It's early. I'm in a place that a year ago I couldn't have even dreamed existed. At that time, I was content with small dreams. Content to make small plans from those small dreams. They were hardly even dreams at all, because they were so safe, so calculated. I only wanted to step where my feet would be safe. It was a year of learning to trust, learning to sing a song of take me deeper, learning what real dreaming meant because God can do beyond what I think and imagine if I really believe it. Do I?
I think I'm starting to. The sun is rising over strange new water and I'm floating out across this Bay into a real city bursting with more people than I've ever met in all my years combined. In those places where I didn't want to dream so big, I quieted my thoughts with practicality. A city is too crazy for you to handle, dear. It's too far from home, what I know, who I love. There's too much competition, places like that saturated with creativity. Where would you live, how would you make it?
I can't take all the credit for those first steps away from these things. Feeling supported is wonderful and yes, I had the best advice, and better encouragement. But I asked God in the stillness to do what he would with this one life. And what do you know he did beyond what I could think and imagine.
Can I say I got my dream job if I didn't even dream it up? I now ask for dreams to be given to me because now I see that my brain is too inadequate to properly think up any sort of real dream. It's all too perfect.
Yet my mind is filled with swirls of doubt, coloring and seeping into those good dreams. What would I be typing if I had gotten even less than my own first half-dream? Would I proclaim the perfection that God always sees?
I recently read this wondrous book called "One Thousand Gifts" and it really is wonderful because not only does it say true things, it says true things that a lot of people usually miss and it says them in this brain language that my head loves to soak up. To summarize quite a few many pages (because I can't recount all the stories here), one of the keys to always have gratitude is carefully tracing the good gifts and given dreams that God gives so that when a dream is handed to you in the package of a nightmare you know from history that things are still good even when they look ugly and you take it and say thank you.
I guess I'll have to write when one of those gifts gets handed to me and see how that principle works out. But for now, I'll smile happily as my heels click up Market and I stick my head out the 7th floor to breathe the polluted air that's filled with sirens and dogs and blasting music and say thank you, thank you, for this dream come true.
I know I'm where I need to be because my wonderful boyfriend pointed me to Exodus 31:1-11. Apparently this is the first time scripture mentions the Spirit of God being poured out on someone.
"The Lord said to Moses, 'See, I have called by name Bezalel the son of Uri, son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah, and I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with ability and intelligence, with knowledge and all craftsmanship, to devise artistic designs, to work in gold, silver, and bronze, in cutting stones for setting, and in carving wood, to work in every craft. And behold, I have appointed with him Oholiab, the son of Ahisamach, of the tribe of Dan.. And I have given to all able men ability, that they may make all that I have commanded you: the tent of meeting, and the ark of the testimony, and the mercy seat that is on it, and all the furnishings of the tent, the table and its utensils, and the pure lampstand with all its utensils, and the altar of incense, and the altar of burnt offering with all its utensils, and the basin and its stand, and the finely worked garments, the holy garments for Aaron the priest and the garments of his sons, for their service as priests, and the anointing oil and the fragrant incense for the Holy Place."
They literally created stuff directly for The Lord. It is so often little encouragements from other people that God uses to speak to our hearts. To me, learning in the midst of a busy week that the things I am passionate about matter to God was a wonderful way to remember the giver of talents and of dreams. Steward well your gifts.
This road is taking many exciting twists and turns and so also thank you to those who are staying with me.